The Fortunate Portents of Haruhi Suzumiya: Arc 1
by xoverfiend
Summary: Kyon manages to get by Haruhi's insanity on a day to day basis but when a strange foreigner named Adam Young appears, all future hopes of normalcy vanish.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own neither Haruhi Suzumiya nor Good Omens. I am simply using content for entertainment.**

Sometimes I think the world would be better if it worked like a novel. If colors and shapes could tell you beforehand what something meant, and there were often forewarnings to the great disasters if you knew how to spot them. Maybe if this were the case, I might have escaped the horrors of Haruhi. But sadly, the universe, ever indifferent to my suffering, gave no foreshadowing to the beginning of my nightmares, nor would it give me any such convenient warning of the events that would transpire today.

Indeed, that day started just like many others: with the painstaking labor of lifting myself out of bed every morning. I was never anything close to an athlete, but even I had the slight pride of a reasonable physique. Yet getting up each morning to go to school was like trying to lift myself out of a pool of molasses.

It was just too early, and I could hardly be motivated with nothing to look forward to but a grueling uphill climb, hours of fading slowly from consciousness as my teachers droned about things vital for my future success, and entertaining whatever insanity Haruhi had cooked up for that afternoon.

The late January cold was no good either, and as soon as I stepped out the door, I wanted to spin right back and bury myself under an Everest of blankets. But I mustered what determination I had and put one foot in front of the other.

I should truly be commended on my diligence for making it through my days. I have come to the conclusion that this ability to march on was inherited from a previous life as a Roman soldier, and each day I give thanks to Kyonicus for lending me his strength.

The day proceeded as predicted and I walked into the club room to be greeted with the angelic Asahina-san preparing tea. Nagato sat in her corner on the folding chair reading what appeared to be an encyclopedia, going simply from the volume of the tome, and tome is the only word that fits.

Koizumi sat at the table with a shogi board already laid out. He gave me that creepy smile of his. Dammit Koizumi, why must your presence ride in so close on the coat tails of the happiness I received from Asahina's lovely face? His smile just seemed to widen, as if he could tell what I was thinking and was amused…esper bastard…

The day continued in an odd silence, even after Haruhi came in. It seemed she was in another of her moods and just sat at the computer, splitting the silence occasionally with a half-hearted clicking. My eyes would wander to her despondent face every once in a while but I didn't say anything. Let me enjoy my peace while it lasts.

There it was…I might as well have said "These days will last forever" or "What could possibly go wrong?"

A knocking on the door startled all of us, though only Nagato made no reaction. Whether this was because she had already sensed someone coming or if it was simply her usual alien restraint I'll never know.

Asahina looked from me to Haruhi uncertainly for a few seconds before heading to the door. She's too adorable when flustered! Haruhi had perked up suddenly, probably hoping that the person on the other side of the door was a customer. I glanced quickly to Koizumi, but he simply shrugged, so he probably wasn't planning anything…although I could never be sure as long as he kept that creepy smile plastered on all the time.

Whatever anyone might have been expecting, I doubt it was the foreign boy who stood in the doorway. He seemed our age with golden hair and blue eyes and one golden eyebrow arched elegantly as he surveyed us. His uniform didn't resemble anything from any of the schools in the area, but then I couldn't be sure. There could always be some exclusive private school tucked away for foreigners studying abroad. He had a dark navy blazer and matching trousers. He had a white undershirt and between it and the blazer was a black and yellow stripped tie with a pin in the shape of a bee.

"This is the SOS Brigade?" He said in only slightly accented Japanese.

Haruhi seemed to do a flying leap from her seated position in the chair, across the room, and directly in front of the doorway. I give her 5 points for sticking the landing and 3 for style. She grabbed on to him by the front of his blazer and dragged him to a chair at the table while feeding him expositions.

"That's us! The SOS brigade! Investigators of all incidents involving the supernatural, so what is your problem?"

The boy, now seated, made no immediate reaction, and indeed hadn't even reacted when Haruhi grabbed him and dragged him into the chair.

"I see…" is all he eventually said.

All I can tell you about how I was feeling at that moment was that a strong dread was slowly building within me. No one ever walks through that door by accident, and this stranger could not possibly be an exception. Something was happening, and odds were I was going to have to suffer for it.

I looked to the other brigade members but everyone had their eyes fixed on the newcomer, it seems they were also sharing my apprehension.

"Well," The boy started "I'm afraid that I don't have any kind of problem to bring to you."

"Oh…" Haruhi's manic energy drained right out of her, it was disheartening to see, "Then why the heck are you here?" she get's grumpy when she has the blues, but the boy either didn't notice or didn't mind.

"I came in because I saw someone had ex'd out the sign for the literature club and scrawled under it: SOS Brigade. I was curious."

I resisted the urge to facepalm, being reminded of that particular act of insanity of Haruhi's.

"So, you guys investigate supernatural incidents…I take it that you don't get much foot traffic?"

"Practically no one…" Haruhi sighed, slouching her way back to the computer.

I almost had a brief flicker of hope that nothing was going to happen, that there really could be innocuous coincidences in the world and I would not be subjected to more insanity yet today. But alas…

"That's probably because you don't have an Oracle."

Everyone looked at the boy in confusion.

"Oracle?" Haruhi asked. The boy just nodded before crossing his arms and his legs in a thoughtful expression. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them I felt a chill. They were filled with a dangerous gleam, not unlike Haruhi's, but subtler, hidden beneath a suaveness that didn't know until far too late that you had stumbled into the shark jaws of insanity.

"In lots of stories there is an oracle, whose job is to point the way for heroes to find their goal. If supernatural events could be discovered by looking, they'd surely be common news by now. No, everything points to the probability of something unnatural happening to someone who neither wants nor expects it. What you need, is someone who can find those people, and sort the wheat from the chaff."

Haruhi's manic demeanor returned in full force as she came to some conclusion way before I did.

"We need someone to give us the cases! Someone who is in a position that brings them into contact with the unexplained often!"

The boy nodded, before getting up and getting the marker on the dry erase board and writing down "Investigative Proxy".

"He should have skills in analyzing information and a discerning eye," the boy said.

"A connection to the police force would be best!" Haruhi added.

"And a weary skepticism!"

"And he should be our age so it'd be easier working with us!"

"Like a junior detective!"

"No! Better yet, a freelancer! Yeah, a young super sleuth who works privately because no one in the force would respect him because of his age!"

"That way he'd be more approachable to us!"

The two monsters went back and forth like that for almost an hour, hammering out details of a person who couldn't possibly exist, feeding off each other's insanity. I wanted to cry, to just break down and sob openly. Another Haruhi had appeared, it was the end of the world for sure.

Eventually it came time to go home, Haruhi was brimming with excitement as she stared at the whiteboard, now filled with scribbled qualities and characteristics for this supposed Oracle.

"Tomorrow we'll head out and search for him! You'd better not be late!" She turned to the boy "You're coming too!"

Then she was out the door, practically gliding, not even bothering to ask the boy's name. He turned to me as if he'd heard my thoughts and said "Young, Adam Young.'"

**Author's note: **Well there goes that, the start of my NBC Primetime Super Hour Challenge! Which is when I try and do more than one fic at once and update them once a week on a set hour, like a tv network!

I think from here on out I'll be writing in 3rd person. I just can't seem to get Kyon's voice right.

As always I hope you enjoy and if you find that my work inspires you and you want to use it as a basis for a fic of your own, please feel free, I'm not the kind who really cares about that very much.


	2. Mark of the Beast

**Disclaimer: **I own neither Good Omens nor Haruhi

**CH 2. Mark of the Beast **

Haruhi's idiotic grinning is frankly getting to be more than I can handle. I can feel it, projecting its happy sunshine energy mania onto the back of my head. The both of us were rigid with barely contained anticipation, waiting for the last bell to ring.

There was of course, a major difference in the source of our anticipation; respectively dread and an unstoppable steam train ecstasy…guess which emotion belonged to whom. Wow, got it on the first try, you're so smart.

As the second hand on the clock made its last sweep across the face I took a deep breath to calm myself. The day before, after Haruhi and Adam had left, I had spoken to Asahina, Koizumi, and Nagato over the phone, but none of them seemed to know anything about him.

But I had a plan this time around. I was no longer going to simply stick my head in the sand waiting for the insanity wave to come from the ocean of Haruhi and drown me. As soon as I got a second alone with that kid I'm going to ask him strait out:

"Who are you, and what do you have to do with Haruhi!"

With any luck, his response _won't_ be to stab me in the face just to see if anything happens.

…I should bring Nagato as back up…

You know what? No, I made a promise to myself that I would stop relying on Nagato so much.

There it is, the bell, a relief for most students. When did that happen? When did the final bell no longer become a saving grace for me, but a somber storm cloud predicting future misery?

I felt Haruhi's cocaine excited strength grip my arm as she proceeded to drag me out of the seat.

Oh yeah…it began a little like this didn't it?

I struggled to keep up as we rushed through the corridors, and I think we knocked at least three people over, but they were far in the distance before I could turn to apologize.

When we made it through the door, I saw that everyone was already there, except for Adam. As we were going to be heading into the city, Asahina hadn't bothered to switch into her maid outfit. This wasn't a problem though, Asahina could look good in anything, yes even that frog costume.

Just as I had finished freeing myself from Haruhi's vice grip, I heard the door open. It was none other than Adam himself, wearing the same uniform as yesterday; I'd have to ask him where that was from when I finally talked to him.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!" Haruhi exclaimed.

"The last person to arrive at a meeting is 'late' and has to pay for everyone's food!"

I winced, feeling bad for the kid despite all my suspicion. I have been on the receiving end of this particular Torture a la Haruhi far too often to not feel sympathetic.

Adam arched one eyebrow at us; I could already tell that was going to become a thing.

"I see…" He eventually said. His face was almost as unexpressive as Nagato's, but it was also very different. Nagato had a blank look, as if she either had no feelings on something or was perhaps unsure of how to express herself. Adam on the other hand, had a quite, intense gaze that held you in place. He poured his attention equally into everything, whether it be the mundane or the fantastic, the logical or the impossible, the major or the minor, everything was important to Adam. At least, that was my impression.

"My only problem with that is I'm only here in an advisory capacity, not as a member of the brigade…"

Haruhi seemed to think this over a bit before nodding her head.

"True, that wouldn't really be fair…Kyon, you do it!"

Well there goes my sympathy.

As we were leaving the school we were accosted by one of the student council members. I forget his name, it was Keisuke, or maybe Kenchiro…it was a ''K'' name.

"Suzumiya…who is this?"

"Adam Young"

"…right…listen, people from other schools aren't allowed to just wander about as they please…take him to attendance and have him get a visitor pass."

"Ugh, fine!"

And with that Haruhi stomped off toward the office, irritated at this interruption to her latest adventure.

We eventually made are way to the office where Adam was asked to sign his name. I didn't really care, but I happened to catch a glance over his shoulder. Something had to be wrong, even I with my limited English skills, could tell that his name shouldn't be that long.

When he finally finished I thought I heard a rumble of thunder in the distance. Odd, the weather was perfectly clear today.

As we turned to leave, I glanced again at the paper. I couldn't read most of it, he had written it in English, but it looked something like

**Adam Young; the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness**

I really wish I had worked harder in those English language classes. Something else was odd with the signature, it seemed to glow faintly, as if it were smoldering, and there was an odd smell, like rotten eggs…I put it out of my mind as Haruhi called for me to hurry up.

When we finally made our way to the square where we usually met for our "Brigade Searches", Haruhi pulled out six sticks, on each stick there was a colored dot: red, blue, or yellow. I realized then that she was going to make us draw lots, and whoever had the same color dot on their stick would team up for the search.

Haruhi closed her eyes and rubbed the bundle of sticks in her hands for a few seconds before pulling one out.

"Mikuru!" She cried, handing Asahina a yellow. Then with her eyes still closed, she pulled a red and yelled "Koizumi!"

When all was done the groups came out: Koizumi and Nagato, Asahina and Haruhi, and Adam and me.

Haruhi glared at her yellow dot, then at my blue dot, and then she stomped off in whatever direction her internal Insanity Compass was pointing, with a dreading Asahina in tow.

Oh Asahina, my heart goes out to you, if only I had the power to rescue you from that dragon of a girl.

As Koizumi and Nagato wandered off, I turned to look at Adam, who simply raised his blue marked stick at me and shrugged.

I narrowed my eyes because really, what were the odds of that?


	3. Truths

**Disclaimer: I own neither Good Omens nor the Haruhi series**

**Truths**

I know I had a great big plan that involved me facing this guy and demanding to be answered until satisfied…but that plan which had been so solid in my mind all day was now slipping from my grasp.

All I need to do is open my mouth and say it. Just say the words "Who are you?"

Come on, don't be a coward, who cares if he's some super-powered extra-dimensional wizard or something that could squash you like a gnat with a thought. He probably won't do anything in public…right?

Damn, where was that courage you used to mouth of to Nagato's space-god bosses? Compared to the Data Entity, this guy's probably small fry. Never mind compared to Haruhi, yeah, this guy is definitely a nobody, some lackey for an organization like Koizumi. What could he possibly do?

Just three words: Who. Are. You?

"The Anti-Christ."

…

…

…

What?

"I am the Anti-Christ."

What do you mean by that?

"Exactly what it says on the tin; I am the antithesis of the savior Jesus Christ and am to play a pivotal roll in the apocalypse if it ever starts up again; deceiving the nations of man and all that jazz."

Wait, but if you're the Anti-Christ, then doesn't that mean that the Christian god exists and that Christianity is actually the correct religion?

"Ok, relax. You're about to take a running jump of the Existential Crisis Ledge. Just calm down and don't worry about it. It's really not that big a deal."

How is that not a big deal? You hold the answer to a question that has plagued mankind and been the cause of countless wars, atrocities, and television specials since time immemorial!

"I'll explain to you why it's really not a big deal, but we're going tit-for-tat on this."

Adam turned a corner and entered a small park. There was a playground where several children were burning off a day's worth of sitting in uncomfortable school chairs while parents watched from benches. Adam came to sit on one of those auburn benches, crossing his legs and resting his elbow atop the leg so he could support his head in his hand.

I just stood next to him until he shot me a sidelong glance that said

"Sit down or this is going nowhere."

As I prepared to ask him to explain properly what he was, he shook his head.

"I already went, your turn, who is Suzumiya Haurhi?"

I thought you had already known. So it looks like you aren't quite the same as Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi…

"I came to Japan from England because I sensed some strange events. There were a few low profile ones through the year that have mostly resolved so I dismissed them. But this December there was an incident of a much larger magnitude. For a period of time starting on December 18th, the space-time continuum was altered no less than three times."

I felt my eyes grow big in response. He was referring to when Nagato had altered the timeline to create a new world where I had never met Haruhi, a normal world where there were no aliens, espers or time travelers. It was something I had really been trying to push into the furthest recesses of my mind all month.

The memory of the overwhelming panic, the terrible shadows of doubt that danced over my sanity and perceptions still plagued my dreams from time to time.

Still, now that he says it that way, it seems obvious that if someone had know that time was being messed with, they'd want to investigate.

OK then, I'll try my best to help you understand the nature of Haruhi and the SOS brigade, but if I find out that you are up to something devious, you'll be sorry.

Adam remained in that contemplative position of his for a while after I was done speaking, and then he nodded in understanding. Damn guy, just taking it all in stride like that; at least have the decency to give me a confused face after I finished explaining the convoluted time travel plot that I had to live through. Whatever, it's your turn anyway.

"Ok, condensed version. I'm the Anti-Christ, spawn of Satan and such, sent to earth to bring about the end. Except, thanks to a particular order of long-winded and inept satanic nuns, I would up in a completely normal family, free of any satanic influences…well, no more than the average person. When it came time to destroy the world, I found I rather enjoyed things as they were and didn't go through with it?"

Wait…so you just…said no?

"Best weapon against peer-pressure there is."

But, I mean, wasn't it ordained by god or whatever?

"I wouldn't put too much stock in any of that. Here, based on what you told me about Haruhi, consider the possibility that the god and devil I'm talking about, are actually just beings created by Haruhi. Maybe The Data Entity and espers never existed until Haruhi made them exist."

That…that makes sense, but it still pisses me off. 

"Of course, everyone likes to think that, if nothing else, people can at least rely on their memories, but you can never discount the possibility that you were just brought into the world, and all experiences before that are figments. Still, it's not something I'd bother thinking much about because you can't prove it one way or another."

Not only does this guy have aspects of Haruhi, he's also got some Koizumi in him, life is too cruel.

"We're here…"

What? I don't even remember when we got off the bench, how did we come to stand before this stairwell, which leads off the street and down toward the door of some basement office? And where is this place anyway?

"Why, this is where we'll find the Oracle."

You said that with a totally straight face, no, thinking about it, you've had a face like that the whole time, it's impossible to trust anything you've said. Can it be that there really exist such a person as you and Haurhi described. Or did this person come into existence just yesterday through Haruhi's crazy powers?

"Who knows, it's a cyclical argument, why bother with it?"

But it'll bug me forever! Well, maybe not…

I watched Adam's back as he descended to the door, with its weathered, pine needle colored paint, and it's dull bronze handle that groaned a bit as he twisted it.

It seems I was about to encounter another oddity. All that was left in me was sighs.


End file.
